On top of things - for now

Coping for now with assignments, work, friends and life - I think eveything's ok atm. *nodds head* yep. It's all good. *claps hands* Yayyyy!!! >_<

I have an assignment due this Friday, and I'm getting on with it ok - I did a big one last week, and got it in ten minutes before the dead line (MEEEP! O.o' ) *shush - don't tell Daddy!* , I was so relieved when that was finished. I wasn't late because I left it to the last minute - no, in fact I think I spent too much time correcting. All up I spent ten hours on it - I hope that was enough... I really want to do well with the assesment.

Had fun out with my Crew on Saturday night, and I'm going away to FREEZE this weekend! No - not literally, ( or maybe literally?!? There's a thought! >.> ) Anyway, FREEZE is this awesome camp for year 12s to Uni age (about 25 year olds), in Cooma. We get great Bible teaching, and have fun fellowshiping with other denominations, and make new friends. It's GR-8!! = )

Well, that's it from me for now -

Huasta Leugo,

TB_o.

Hard

It's so hard when your best friend get a boyfriend. I mean, it's not like I'm unhappy 'coz she's got one. In fact I think it's great. It's just that she wants to spend her time with him. Mostly more than she does with me. I know that she's proabably not doing it on purpose - she's not the kind of girl to intentionally hurt anyone. It's just the way things go sometimes. But that doesn't make me feel any better when I'm the one getting ditched!!!

*sigh* Ahh well. Maybe it'll give me a chance to get to know some other people better. = ) I'm sure it'll be ok. I think I just need to talk to her a bit. Commmunication pretty much always helps!!

This theory of mine, by the way, has never failed me yet! ^^

Signing out for now,

T.

Bleeeggch

I hate not getting good marks, and I almost died over my last lot of marks, but hey, I gotta get it wrong sometimes eh? Just like when we were playing hang-man in my tutorial, before the tutor came, and I couldn't spell right!!! >< meh. It's all good. Had a good day at work today, and I've finally got an MP3 player - yeah, I had to save up - not enough dough.... *sigh* It's so awful when your a poor uni student... ~_^

Me thinks that be all the news so far - so have a good one everyone, and I'll check y'all 'round l-8aaaaa!!! = ) T.

Too much?

I haven't got much ta say - just that isn't amazing how you can get hooked from one thing to another? I dunno about you, but I find that happens to me like all the time.

Like (ugh I hate that word, but whatever...) when I watch a movie that's got dance in it - it's like all I want to do is dance... And if someone's talking about writing, or drawing, or something like that I get hooked on that too. There is SOOOOOOOO much stuff I wanna be good at - drawing, dance, music(learning to play the guitar!!!), writing, gymnastics and horseriding are just like the first few that are really important to me - then there's iceskating, soccer, photography, singing, and goodness only knows what else.... o! Snowboarding, computing, learning languages... Can anyone tell me - is there such a thing as TOO many hobbies???? I really am beginning to think that there is. I mean, how can you ever really be good at anything if you don't focus solely on that thing??

Maybe I have to just stick with learning the guitar, writing, drawing and gymnastics. For now. Maybe... Gah - dunno when, maybe when I'm older I'll learn some of the other stuff. Maybe.

Husta Leugo,

Tinka.

To dance the night away...

Whee!! I'm off to a "Heros and Villians Ball" and I'm going as a villian!!!

I was going to go as Posion Ivey, but as I didn't have the right clothes, I changed my mind and now I'm the Snow Queen from The Chronicles of Narnia. ^^ Woot - sooo much fun!!
Oh yeah - and a BIIIIEEEEEEGGGGGG

Happy Birthday

to my gorgeous sister who is now fifteen!

Off to dance...

Tinka

Killiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes - killiiii (Kill - e) is the cry of the day when my stupid computer crashes!! *sigh* I wrote my microstory (400 words) for my Creative Writing class and than the program stuffed up and I lost it! I was ssoooo unhappy. And I had to write it over again - and of course, I couldn't remember the exact words. It's soo frustrating when that happens.

But I got over it, and wrote it again. I had to. And I'm not sure - but I almost think the story's better for it. But anyways, gotta go and get ready for work now -

Check ya, T.

Shruggs

Why is it that I always go and screw up everything???

Seriously, have you ever been on a roll - speaking out in your class, being friendly, doing something outside of yourself, and you've caught a weird glance from someone - anger, disgust, or horror?

I don't know what it is - but, *sigh* sometimes that happens to me - like today I talking in our discussion in our Tut. - not all the time, but at the end of the discussion, I caught something indescernable from my tutor - something not good, and I wonder if I've screwed up - talking to much or something. I was just trying to give feedback, but maybe I gave to much.

And even if I wasn't the intended reciepiant of the glance - I still question myself, and the way others veiw me. Am I really that insecure??? I guess I am. If the truth be told, I not sure if anyone else can see my insecurities - and I'm starting to feel that's a bad thing. Maybe. I DON'T KNOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >X O It's so frustrating - excuse my screaming, but I had to. How do other people see me????

Maybe I don't really want to know. It's not like I have a ton of friends, or a boyfriend for that matter - guess there's a reason. What it is I don't know, and I think if I did....


I'd break.



I'm the way I am, and no-one likes me like that. *plays the world's shortest tune, on the world's smallest violin* Sob-sob (sarcastically) I am so pathetic.


So, sorry all for the dump. I know I'm being stupid - or maybe I'm stupid full stop.

Your fool for life,

TinkaBell_o


Heck, a nickname like that - and I wonder why I'm so weird??? O.-

Ka-CHoO!!!

Headaches, sniffles and a nasty 'flu virus.... *sigh* Not cool. 'Specially when I've got work to do!!! Gah. Bye.

Have you?

Have you ever just written - not thinking what you are saying, but just getting your current thoughts down on page - hold you high and steal your pain, 'coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome - and I don't feel right when you've gone... Sitting by the rain streaked window... Playing, listening to the music of loneliness... Giving into the weakness... When I'm lonesome....

Meh. You really can't do that when your listening to a song - the words in your head - your voice, is drowned out by the more powerful emotions and words that the song betrays. How can an ordinary sound be heard when it is flooded with the extrodinary?

Anyways, I think that that's enough of that - though I did get a interesting little piece (bout 300 words) done when I was given a random phrase by someone out of my Creative Writing Tutorial - which, by the way, was heaps of fun. But my 400 word microstory, plus my discussion notes have to be written in a week's time. At least it'll be over and done with then!!

Practising

It seems that I can never get to a point of 'good' work with either my art or writing. I guess that's the whole
"Those who are satisfied with medeocrity will always succeed, but those who are only satisfied with perfection will always fail." But as comforting as that is for my thing about always failing, it doesn't help when I can never get there. Anywhere!

It would be nice to able to look at something I've done and say - yes, that is good work. In the meanwhile, I guess it's all about practising. That's the only way you get anywhere. By working. >.> I think it makes what you acheive more worthwhile. But it's so hard to get to the point of acheivement. But that's just my opinion!

adios.

Inspiration

a flight of fancy

a flight of fancy takes to wing -
riding boldly on the backs of stars -
twisting, turning, it flutters through dreams -
only leaving the touch of a golden step -
a thin, fading, trail that beckons alluringly.

glistening and shimmering -
a shaft of pure immagination -
peircing through what it will -
like a lone, sun sent ray.

a wandering vision -
a golden dream -
easier it is to cage a nightingale -
than to catch the fleeting glory.

but through the translator -
the quicksilver takes form -
flowing across the snow-white plain -
showing with every twist and turn -
a facet of the changing picture.

and so the dreamers dream -
striving to follow the path -
capturing the shadow -
with it's reflection of faieries, elfs and nymphs.

lifting for a heart beat -
the veil that divides the face of reality -
from the vision of fantasy -
unicorns, dragons and magical beasts -
woven through guiding tales before.

so when elusive inspiration takes wing -
coaxing, calling to the restless below -
Come, Come tame the flight of fancy -
If you can!



we will try...




I wrote that some time ago - but when I was in my first Creative Writing lecture yesterday, I forgot it. There's nothing like sitting down in a room full of eager, talented writers (or musicians, or what have you) to make you feel insiginificant - that maybe you're not good enough after all. I am definately feeling a sense of inadequat, unoriginality. It's not like anyone thinks I'm a good writer or anything. Far from it. It's just what I do. Give me a blank peice of paper and a pen, and I draw. Give me a beautiful senery and I write. Kind of messed up - I know. It's not that I can't live without writing either. I don't know. As I said before - I guess it's just something I do. *sigh* There really is nothing I do that is spectacular in any way, shape or form. I write, I draw, I sing and sometimes dance. I horseride and do gymnastics. I am a student who likes to learn. BIG whoop. As you maybe able to tell - I have a great sense of ordinary-ness about myself and I hate it.

please spare a thought for me -
above all i'd rather be -
only born of originality......

That's almost a prayer for me. Yet it's further from my ways than - than - than smoking and drinking coffee is!!! (Yes, I don't smoke and I despise coffee - the taste anyways)

Meh. Stuck in a rut with no way out. I'm going to stop now before I start weeping.

Distantly yours,

TinkaBell.

-_-'

Okay - I would love to say that the reason for my not updating my Blog over the last month and a half is that I was in the heart of darkest Peru and I don't have a wireless laptop. And because darkest Peru hasn't got a very good connection and I was too busy fighting Anacondas anywas, I couldn't update. -_-' But that would be lying. For the truth is that while I've had my Uni holidays I've been extremely lazy, and not done a thing. I was going to practice my art - hand drawn and computer drawn, and write a few songs and stuff these hols, I didn't do any of that at all.... I did seem to drive around a lot for my parents, doing various chores, but other then that I just watched a lot of T.V. Which is really unproductive, but meh.

I really do do a lot more stuff when I've got a regular schedule, and there's lots of stuff to be done. So for that reason I'm actually quite happy to be back at Uni. And also, I am totally get over the brain turning into mush thing. This semester I'm doing Creative Writing 2, (which I'm really looking forwards to as I get to create my own portfolio!!), Laws of Communications, (sounds a bit boring, but anyways), and Communication Traditions. Sweet dude, totally sweet.

Uh... I know there's more stuff to be caught up on...

Right - S.o.L. has been scuttled before it even began. I only had two other people interested in joining up, and they were both guitarist - which isn't bad, but it wasn't working unfortunately.
I've started my adult gymnastics classes again (I stopped when I got broke) and have been pleasantly surprised with strength of my muscle memory - aka- I can do the stuff I used too, O.O - but I have noticed that my general muscular strength has been wayyyyy depleted - along with flexibility.

There's been lots of dramas over the last month - I've had to learn a lot of painful lessons, and sometimes I ask myself why God has to teach me all this stuff all at once? Why do I have to be smashed - why couldn't I just get pulled apart bit by bit??? But then again, that might be even more painful! My bestie also has had a bit of a drama concerning boys, but what else is new?? Boys are such trouble. The good news is she's pulled through, and they're just friends. For now.

Me and my sister got up recently at an open mike night - no preparation, and no backing, and sung 'The Water Buffalo Song' - the Veggie Rocks version, and it was fun!! Mind you, I don't think I'll be doing it again like that - but I would like to get up and sing some other time. We'll see.

I'm preparing to head out to FREEZE for a weekend in September, and then I'll be rockin' out at Black Stump!!! I can't wait - it's gonna be great. It will be my first 'Stump - considering that I always heard about it too late, but this time I've got it sorted, so it should be all good.

Hmm. I think that that's about it for now - but I will update regularly now that I'm back at Uni, so :

TTFN -
TaTa For Now - Tinka. ^^

Finding Stuff

I'm finding stuff out. I'm finding that I'm glad to be single - I don't have to worry about someone else's heart - just my own. I'm finding that I love hanging out a lot - but I don't like getting lost. I'm finding out that my art is coming along quite nicely, especially now that I've found new ways to shade. I'm also finding that there is more good music out there that I ever imagined and I don't think I can compete with it all! I'm finding that I'm growing up, but not growing any wiser or in descernment - (O Lord, please help me!) I'm finding that I still follow my feelings too much. I'm finding that I make mistakes - a LOT of mistakes. I'm finding that holidays are boring if you don't do anything while you're doing nothing. I'm finding that I can make new friends. I'm finding that maybe I'm not such a freak after all. I'm finding that God is absolutely, without a doubt, the bestest. I'm finding the rain is wonderful, as well as wonderfully cold. I'm finding that I'm just me. The way I am. I'm finding life!!! ^ ^

My Web Page

MY WEB PAGE - yes, it's linked for you.

So there you go. I finally could be bothered and built myself a web page. It's got all the links I like and the sites I frequent - just in case anyone would be *gasp shock horror* interested!!!!!! : I Heh - I'm actually getting the hang of HTML code too ( O.o' ). It's lotsa fun!!! ^^

Speaking (or writing) of fun, I had a great time shopping with my bestie this arvo.; even though I didn't have any money, heck - I figured out you don't need money when you can spend your friend's money on her!! >.< AND my other bestie came up from Jindabyne and stayed the night as she was on her way to Sydney. Lots of cool bonding time. 'Neways, gotta go get ready for more shopping.... O ya - a new cool site I found yesterday!

Lyrics on Demand

It's so awesome - I found lyrics I'd been wanting for millions of songs! So if you wanna know the rest of that-song-that-you-only-know-one-line-of-that's-tormenting-you-by-playing-
in-your-head-over-and-over-and-over-and-over-and-over-and-over-and-over-and-over-and
-over-and-over-and-over-and -------------- (ect.)

Well, you get the picture. Check it out!

Off to shop 'til she drops - Boni. ^^

Slowness

Meh - it's time to gripe about how sucky it is that my band is taking FOREVER to get off the gound...

I just want to get started, but I'm starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I figured out last night that the reasons I wanted to start this whole thing - maybe they weren't the right ones. But it's changed. I really want this band to work - like the passion I feel about good literature for teens. I'm starting to think the same way about music. It's such a vital part of life for so many, but so often it's just not ... Meh - not right anyway.

Music should provoke thought, make people examine their lives - or at the very least, reflect on our awesome God. I'm not saying that you can't have your fun songs, or dance songs, or any of that. Just that there should be good stuff as well as the usual. Of course, this is just my opinion, and many may not agree with me. But that, I feel, should be the goal of Shades of Light. To create thought provoking, mindful music. Mind you, when it's put like that it sounds sooooo stuffed shirt-y. The music won't be though - I love to rock too much for that to happen!!! ^ ^

Drop the bass line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock on the Rock - Tink_A. :)

That Feeling....

Do you ever get that feeling where you are waiting for something - anything - to happen? Usually when you do, you go make some plans to do something. You wait for an hour, maybe two, for your friends to get back to you and then your friends text back and go "Oh sorry I actually can't do anything today." or whatever. How much of a let down is that!!! So annoying... Especially when that stupid expectancy won't leave you alone then.

Meh. Anyways, I'm posting up something I drew last night - it's not all there, 'coz my scanner isn't big enough, but I hope you can get the drift. I'll put it in my art gallery 'coz i can't get it up.

La-li-la!

I'sa been at work alllllll day - well not quite, from 10:30 'til 3:15 and my feet HURT!!! But I'm happy now, 'coz I heard my newst favourite song - 'Don't phunk with my heart' by The Blackeyed Peas on the way home - an' wheee! It's all good.

Everytime I think about him - I banish him from my mind. I think it's working, except now he's escaping and starting to haunt my dreams. It hurts. But I've gotta push through this. *sigh*

"I'm blue - dee-dee-di-dum-dee-dee-di-dum... Inside and outside..."

La-la *sings along to I'm Blue* I luff singing and music - it always makes me feel better.

Happi-er now,

Yours, TinkaBell. ^^

Everything old is new again...

I can't believe it's another month, yet here we go again! I wonder what will come? Proably a re-run of everything old so it's new again. What with boy troubles - meh: I'm soooo over all the annoy-ing-ness, seriously! - work, Uni, friends, and all that jazz, it's nothing new, yet I'm sure it will seem that it is when it comes around. ;_; *sniff* Dunno why that makes me want to cry, but it does. Maybe I'm just in a crying mood...

*bounces* But not for long. I've found a new group of friends that have welcomed me most nicely and it's been great times hanging out with the them, that I hope will continue. And I'm finally (sort of) getting my car. Mum and Dad are buying a new car and I'm getting Dad's old work one - a Nissian Bluebird SSS. Cool huh? No, it's not new, in fact it's ten years old, but it's a 4 cylinder and I think (*_8) it rocks! It's much nicer than anything I would've been able to afford anyway. 'Course, Dad hasn't really given me the car, but I get first dibs, and I won't have to ask to take it out. Which totally rocks.

Heh - great times. Although I'm still breakin' my heart, I've choosen to get over him, and that's that. Choose your love and love your choice. That's what I'm living by right now. Meh. And I'll make it, I know I will. With God's help I can do anything!!!!!!

So I'm off for now, gotta try and sell our old VW so's my sister and me can re-do our bedroom in Dad's office,

Bye.

Dropping off the radar

Sorry to anyone who's interested about the lack of up-dates. I just happen to be going through a really stressful time right now.

What with the low of exams - Thank the Lord they're over - the high of going out with my friends, the low of finally admitting to myself that I HAVE to stop liking the guy I like, and the high of holidays - I've just been up and down on an emotional rollacoaster all week!!! O.* '

It's killed me I must admit. I am soooo tired. I just want for everything to go away, to settle down in a cottage with a nice RIDEABLE horse just out side and a beach on my front doorstep. Meh, I wish.....

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm sure things will start to look up soon. Though SoL hasn't got off the ground as of yet, and that's kind of being messed up. Never mind. Things will change, and in the mean time, the Lord is with me.

Adios, Tink.

---- Silence ----

Heheh. Can't think straight - I'm sooo starting to get really nervous. These exams are going to kill me!!! Gah. Gotta stop being so negative about them. *takes a deep breath* No, I'll be fine. It's going to be okay.

I'm going to a part-A, I'm going to a part-AAA!!!!! Yey! This weekend (yes - the weekend before exams) is my bestest friend's 18th birthday party. It's gonna be great fun!

But right now, I don't feel like celebrating for some reason. I'm in a silent mood I guess. I'm not really sure of the characteristics of a silent mood - besides the silence (DUH), but it's definately a grey mood. Hmm. Dunno why though. It's not the exams, and it's not financial troubles, or lack of socialness. It's not because things are bad - God has been extremely good to me and my family. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I do. *whaaa* I need a hug!!! :'(

*sighs* owell, back to life. At least I don't have to stand on my own - I know that He is with me, and that's better than anything.

Down in the grey for now,
Tinka.