Slowness

Meh - it's time to gripe about how sucky it is that my band is taking FOREVER to get off the gound...

I just want to get started, but I'm starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I figured out last night that the reasons I wanted to start this whole thing - maybe they weren't the right ones. But it's changed. I really want this band to work - like the passion I feel about good literature for teens. I'm starting to think the same way about music. It's such a vital part of life for so many, but so often it's just not ... Meh - not right anyway.

Music should provoke thought, make people examine their lives - or at the very least, reflect on our awesome God. I'm not saying that you can't have your fun songs, or dance songs, or any of that. Just that there should be good stuff as well as the usual. Of course, this is just my opinion, and many may not agree with me. But that, I feel, should be the goal of Shades of Light. To create thought provoking, mindful music. Mind you, when it's put like that it sounds sooooo stuffed shirt-y. The music won't be though - I love to rock too much for that to happen!!! ^ ^

Drop the bass line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock on the Rock - Tink_A. :)

That Feeling....

Do you ever get that feeling where you are waiting for something - anything - to happen? Usually when you do, you go make some plans to do something. You wait for an hour, maybe two, for your friends to get back to you and then your friends text back and go "Oh sorry I actually can't do anything today." or whatever. How much of a let down is that!!! So annoying... Especially when that stupid expectancy won't leave you alone then.

Meh. Anyways, I'm posting up something I drew last night - it's not all there, 'coz my scanner isn't big enough, but I hope you can get the drift. I'll put it in my art gallery 'coz i can't get it up.

La-li-la!

I'sa been at work alllllll day - well not quite, from 10:30 'til 3:15 and my feet HURT!!! But I'm happy now, 'coz I heard my newst favourite song - 'Don't phunk with my heart' by The Blackeyed Peas on the way home - an' wheee! It's all good.

Everytime I think about him - I banish him from my mind. I think it's working, except now he's escaping and starting to haunt my dreams. It hurts. But I've gotta push through this. *sigh*

"I'm blue - dee-dee-di-dum-dee-dee-di-dum... Inside and outside..."

La-la *sings along to I'm Blue* I luff singing and music - it always makes me feel better.

Happi-er now,

Yours, TinkaBell. ^^

Everything old is new again...

I can't believe it's another month, yet here we go again! I wonder what will come? Proably a re-run of everything old so it's new again. What with boy troubles - meh: I'm soooo over all the annoy-ing-ness, seriously! - work, Uni, friends, and all that jazz, it's nothing new, yet I'm sure it will seem that it is when it comes around. ;_; *sniff* Dunno why that makes me want to cry, but it does. Maybe I'm just in a crying mood...

*bounces* But not for long. I've found a new group of friends that have welcomed me most nicely and it's been great times hanging out with the them, that I hope will continue. And I'm finally (sort of) getting my car. Mum and Dad are buying a new car and I'm getting Dad's old work one - a Nissian Bluebird SSS. Cool huh? No, it's not new, in fact it's ten years old, but it's a 4 cylinder and I think (*_8) it rocks! It's much nicer than anything I would've been able to afford anyway. 'Course, Dad hasn't really given me the car, but I get first dibs, and I won't have to ask to take it out. Which totally rocks.

Heh - great times. Although I'm still breakin' my heart, I've choosen to get over him, and that's that. Choose your love and love your choice. That's what I'm living by right now. Meh. And I'll make it, I know I will. With God's help I can do anything!!!!!!

So I'm off for now, gotta try and sell our old VW so's my sister and me can re-do our bedroom in Dad's office,

Bye.

Dropping off the radar

Sorry to anyone who's interested about the lack of up-dates. I just happen to be going through a really stressful time right now.

What with the low of exams - Thank the Lord they're over - the high of going out with my friends, the low of finally admitting to myself that I HAVE to stop liking the guy I like, and the high of holidays - I've just been up and down on an emotional rollacoaster all week!!! O.* '

It's killed me I must admit. I am soooo tired. I just want for everything to go away, to settle down in a cottage with a nice RIDEABLE horse just out side and a beach on my front doorstep. Meh, I wish.....

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm sure things will start to look up soon. Though SoL hasn't got off the ground as of yet, and that's kind of being messed up. Never mind. Things will change, and in the mean time, the Lord is with me.

Adios, Tink.

---- Silence ----

Heheh. Can't think straight - I'm sooo starting to get really nervous. These exams are going to kill me!!! Gah. Gotta stop being so negative about them. *takes a deep breath* No, I'll be fine. It's going to be okay.

I'm going to a part-A, I'm going to a part-AAA!!!!! Yey! This weekend (yes - the weekend before exams) is my bestest friend's 18th birthday party. It's gonna be great fun!

But right now, I don't feel like celebrating for some reason. I'm in a silent mood I guess. I'm not really sure of the characteristics of a silent mood - besides the silence (DUH), but it's definately a grey mood. Hmm. Dunno why though. It's not the exams, and it's not financial troubles, or lack of socialness. It's not because things are bad - God has been extremely good to me and my family. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I do. *whaaa* I need a hug!!! :'(

*sighs* owell, back to life. At least I don't have to stand on my own - I know that He is with me, and that's better than anything.

Down in the grey for now,
Tinka.

Perfect

"It's got to be - ooohohyeah - per_fect. It's got to be - ooohohhhoyeah - peeeerrrrrr _FECT!"

The last week has been the topest week ever! Super-duper busy, but still tops. It all started Saturday night, when I went to the UBD gig, then hung out with my friends til 2:00am. Then on Sunday I had a great day at my new work, Hill Station, then my Dad AND Mum both got new jobs as well, (THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU LORD!) then I got that Report done, then I went to my friend's 20th after painting him his Birthday present ( picture which I think he liked ) and then I hung out with my friends again, then I went to work on Friday night, which was good, and THEN on Saturday I had a sleepover with my sister, and her friend which was really fun, and today's been really good and everything is just better then PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!

*happy sigh* I think I'm am finally moving off that crush as well, even though I totally got it back last weekend, but now I hope I'm able to move on. But that's really good. Only have to survive my exams - and squeeeeeeee! I'm just loving life! Time for bed now though,

Kisses an' Huggles,

TinkaBell ~_^

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

I have had the BESTTTT weekend - got to go to a Use By Date concert Saturday night, got a new job, which is turning out to be super-fantastic, had soooo much fun with my friends Saturday night - Wheeee! I'm so happy! Thankyou Lord for being the bestest!
Mind you, I'm also happily tiredddd. Stayed up 'til 2:00 am Sat., and couldn't go to sleep 'til 12:00 am last night. I can hardly keep my eyes open. And I still haven't finished that @#)#$$ report that's due this Wednesday first thing, and I have to work tomorrow at 11:00 am to about 3:00 - 4:00, maybe later... And biggest narky thing of all - my exams are in two weeks time, including this week. --- *sigh* ---
But once all that is over, life'll be really sweet for a while. I'm getting my car (FINALLY) soon, and with the cash flow, and friends, and SoL, it's gonna be pretty awesome. Just gotta get through these last two weeks. Please Lord, give me strength.

Yours half happy, a quarter tired and a quarter scared,

Tinka.

Work - or rather procrastintation.

So much work to do and all I can do is procrastinate... I have a lot of stuff that I have to do at home, and tomorrow is my only day to do it. AND tomorrow is going to be chokers with an interview, running my sister around, and going to Tugganerong to drop in a resume and go shopping for the UBD concert. At least, my sister's going shopping - I'm just the chauffeur!

Gah. Okay, sorting stuff out... Can't do IMEC prep. here (at Uni), can do C.F. prep. and some of my Report for IMEC. Alrighty, really should be working now.... Now.... Now.... Now..... Now...... Now........................................................ >>'

Gah. Bye. T.

OHHH!

USE BY DATE ARE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oooohhh ye-aH!!! ^^

I can't believe I almost forgot to tell the world - Use By Date are back in business!! SQUEEEE! *.* I don't know for how long, but they're playing a gig next Saturday night, and I'm soooo stoked. (If I had my way, this font would be gittery gold, but plain gold was as close as I could get!) Man, next Saturday is going to ROOOOCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about the double post, I just had to inform everyone of the happy, happy news!!! *bounces off singing to herself* Forever, forever, forever - Eternity!!!!

Byyyeee - Tink. ^^

New again

It is a new month again - gee, time flys so quickly - I hardly know where the days go. This month is exams - actually, they're in three weeks time (meep!) and I've got one report to do and that's all the major assesment then this term is over. OVER! OVER I TELL YOU! That is so scary - I could hardly imaigine going to Uni, and now, I'm almost at the end of my cross-over program.

Good stuff has been happening though - got an interveiw which I hope will work out, Rusty is being an ABSOLUTE pain, but is sloooowwwwllly coming right, I'm getting on with my graphic novel, and I will soon be free to start up my band! Sweeet Dude, totally swweeeeet! ^-^

*sigh* Thanks God for being so awesome, and helping me through life.

Gotta go, T.

SupA chic

Dear Diary,

I met this guy at a show,
He was singing to me - at least I think so...

Ha. Take off Super [Chick] , I know - but so true. That's how I fell over into a huge crush for... Well, a huge crush on my crush. (Sooo not mentioning any names - you never know who might read this!!!)
I'm still not over him, even after months of mix-ups, not speaking to each other, only MSNing, living (or DIEING) through another girl.... Whaaaa!!!! That still hurts! No, he didn't get her, but he told me alll about it! >< *sigh* and telling him off, ever so slightly, then him being nice to me - *shock*, instead of ignoring my exsistance..... Yeah, I know. I'm so pathetic, yearning after a boy who barely knows me, let alone cares for me. Yet, as much as I would, I can not steal my heart back.

Anyway, enough of pathetic girlyness, - hmmmm, that's so weird. I was just reading over wht I had written, and I think I realise the problem. He is just a boy. So far, not that I can really judge, 'coz he won't communicate with me the important stuff (like the thoughts in his head), he is just a boy. Not a man. ................................

Whoa. That's really big. I guess I would also describe myself - through a guy's eyes, as just a girl too. And maybe that's everything. How can a boy really commit to anything, and how can a boy protect my heart? And how can I, as a girl, be the woman he needs to stand at his side - to give him what he needs. .......................

I've just has a major revelation. What I'm looking for the man I need. Not to live - for all I need for that is God, but just to not be lonely, to have someone who shares how I work, think, what makes me me, and delights in that on this Earth. And for that I need a man. Not a boy. Maybe I should be gald that my crush doesn't notice me. For if he proved to be the man I need, would I prove to be the woman he needs? O. That's a gigantious thought.

At the moment, however, I don't think the guy I like is a man. I don't know for sure, I don't know him all that well, for he won't let me know him well. But in any case, from what I can tell, what he's said to me, he still just a boy - wanting to have fun, and not caring how he gets it.

That's sad. I wish it weren't that way, but it is. What will be, will be.

All in the Lord's timing,

TinkaBell.

-_-

Wheee!!! Had my best friend sleep over last night - we got sleep at a decent time (1:00 am) but still slept in 'til 11:30... *blink* I don't know why I'm tired. Maybe (most proably!) it's the thought of Uni tomorrow. Yuck... Owell.

Haven't gotten very far with ah - I forgot the name... I think I also lost the notebook where I put the idea down in as well. Rats. I really am gonna have to find it, or I won't get my graphic novel done at all.

*zzz* Gotta go now,

T.

Oekaki sweet-i_ness!!! ^^

WoooT!!! I founded the bestest thing eva!!! It's called an Oekaki Board, and basicly it's a place on the 'Net where you can go and draw really prettttyyyy (uwahhh! >.<) pictures. It's got the same sort of set up as a basic photoshop shop deal - so it's realllyyyy uber-ly awesome. The one I draw on ('coz there's heaps you can choose from) is Oekaki Central - here's the link.

http://www.oekakicentral.com


Hope any other loving to draw peoples enjoy this cool way to improve and show off your art as much as mesa. 'Neways, gotta go an' draw a pretty piccy - Byee!!! T.

I'd do anything!!!

"I close my eyes..... I try to sleep, I can't forget you..... I'd do anything for you!" Go Simple Plan!!!!!! Whoooooo! They rocK!!!

I love their music, but even more I like making my own music. In case you can't guess where this is going, I'll tell you. At the end of the semester I am going to start up my own band - Shades of Light, or S.O.L. for short. (Pronounced soul.) And it's gonna rock! As soon as I can find more members besides me, I'll be able to start it up. I'm looking for dedicated Christians who want to spread God's Word and have a some fun too! ^-^ After I've found them I guess I'll see where it goes.


But that's not all that's happening. My bestest bud came up for the weekend, and we had a great time!!! I can't wait - coz in a month or so her 18th B'day is coming up, and she's throwing a weekend long pAr_tA!!!!!! It's gonna be sooooo SWEeeT. In the mean time, I gotta get on with my work.


Signing out,


T.


P.S. Check out this kwel quote from a friend of mine - "So I've taken 1 step forward, walked around till my head spun, then realised I'd fallen over. Upon picking myself up, I also realised that I'd only hurt my head, and moved back a spot."

*sniff*

Blerrgh... I'm sick with a nasty 'flue virus. I'm going to bed now. Meh, don't ask why I even bothered to do this - my head is spinning around... Owell, that's craziness for you. *Sneezes* Ick. I hate being sick....

T *sniff* out.

Empty

Got my essay done.

That's it from me today.

I'm off to watch Freaky Friday.

Bye.

Eyeeeed.

So tired. I still haven't finished that darn essay. I was supposed to do it today, but I went iceskating last night, and didn't get enough sleep. Now I can't think straight. It's almost like my mind is still stuck half-way in dreamland. It hasn't made the transition into the real world, it didn't get enough time to run through sleep-circle last night. Gah.

'Nighty-nite, T.

Conversation

Aw rats.... Can't find enough of the conversation to make sense 'coz even though I saved all the letters I got, I didn't save my replies....

Owell. The basic gist of it was that guys can be an absolute pain when letting a girl (who maybe screaming in her head for the guy to do something!) know how he feels. Of course, to be fair it is really hard to open yourelf up for rejection.

My feeling was that if a guy really likes a girl, he will tell her because that feeling will overcome his fears. On the other hand, as my friend pointed out, if a guy really likes a girl, it could also make things worse, because the fear of rejection from someone who means so much to you can be very real and very hard to overcome.

I think that was about it actually.

Bye again, T.

"Go-ing under_"

Got a huge essay due on Monday - it's worth 30%... Yuck.

But on the plus side, I'm going iceskating tomorrow night with my Focus friends so that should be really awesome. It's kind of weird, the way things are going right now. I want things to be different and exciting, but at the same time I wish everything would settle down.

We had our group presntation due today, and we aced that - which is cool. But why does everything feel so topsy-turvey? Like my life isn't the right side up or something? I'm feeling strange, like I've suddenly gone all smooth - changed into a ball and slipped out of my triangluar hole in life. I don't know. My work is going reasonably well, I'm hoping I'll get a H.D. in both my classes. I need to prove some stuff to some people. I love all this new stuff I'm learning - bah. I just don't know what the flip is going on around me. I'm standing still, at the center point of today, while yesterday and tomorrow are blurring as they circle me.

Pfffft.... * * *

I'm over it.

* * *

I'm still searching for a job, I hope something comes along soon.


I was having an interesting conversation with my friend via e-mail the other day, unfortunately I may not have it all as I didn't save my letters. However, I put as much as I can up on the next post. It might be helpful for those with issues with the opposite sex. (Yeah, my friend's a guy, so we have both points of veiw.)


Thought of the Day: What's your eternal life expectancy?

Ciao,

Tink.